i haven't blogged in a while..

But does that really matter? Not like anyone is really paying attention to my blog XD

I'm not really sure what to blog about, I've been drawing HUGE blanks. My mom is pissed off at me, which really sucks, I hate when people are mad at me and they yell. 'Cause I always cry :/ I'm waaay to sensitive. I also wear my heart on my sleeve.. in some scenarios at least.
Well, on a positive note, I kinda really like someone <3 Hahaha, I don't know if it's really going to go anywhere, but I know that I'd like it to. I feel like a complete and total girl. My past two relationships I was the one who asked the guy out, but on this one, I just, I can't get myself to XD hahaha.

Back to a negative note, I have a shin splint :/ I ran myself to the limit on Friday and my shins are all inflamed and stuff. It REALLY hurts! But, oh well, no pain--no gain, right?

"And you said “this is the first day of my life,
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you.
But now I don’t care, I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes

business before pleasure.

I've really been cleaning up my act lately.

I've been studying harder and not going out so much. I do hang out with my friends, however I've been doing what's best for me. Going to the gym, handing in homework on time, studying, reading more books, spending more time with family, etc... I've also been reducing my screen-time!

I guess it's paid off, last semester my marks were: 50 (math) 67 (careers) 70 (civics) 70 (art) 91 (spanish) okay the spanish was good but that's cause languages come natural to me.
So far THIS semester I have a 90 (history) 84 (hospitality and tourism) 82 (english) and a 78 (science) :D

I don't have anything interesting to talk about, so enjoy another photograph :)


p.s. I like someone. :)

another casualty of society,

I don't want to waste my time, honestly.

Last night I was debating on what to do with my future, and you know what? I think I know what direction I want to take. I've always been pushed to go in the direction of science, and I will admit that wouldn't be a bad idea considering I'm rather good in that subject, but it's too much work for me. I know I wouldn't do it. I'm good at it, but I don't necessarily like it (that's where the work comes in, I'd have to push myself). This is why I've decided that I'm going to go into the direction of my passion, art.

I've even changed my courses for grade 11 based on this. What used to be : math, english (obvs.) spanish2, anthro, chemistry, biology, physics and visual arts, is now: math, english, spanish2, visual arts, media arts, comtech, astronomy and hospitality and tourism. Why astronomy though? When I was younger I used to love the stars, constellations, etc. I feel that bringing that back will help me realize who I am, how I used to be before corrupted by other people. I wish that I took french again this year, so that I could take french11, (languages are also my passion, culture etc) but I don't want to be in a grade 10 class while in grade 11 just so I can get up there.

p.s. I live in Canada so French is our second language. Not many schools have the option of learning Spanish, lucky for me when I my trip to Mexico gave me the love of the language, I was able to continue learning because I attend a high school which included the programme.

All in all, I hope that my 11th year (which is technically my 13th year -with junior and senior kindergarten in the count) will help me see which area of art I would like to take. And hopefully, I'll be able to take part in the Integrated Arts programme my school has :)

webcam shot

This is a poor excuse to show my creative side. However, I will state that ambidexterity rules =D

"I don't wanna waste my time,
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line,
become another victim of your conformity
and back down."

Fat Lip by Sum 41

let the boredom take over,

I'm bored! and I have nothing to write about, so, here :D

here's how it works:

1. open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, et cetera).
2. put it on shuffle.
3. press play.
4. for every question type the song that's playing.
5. when you go to a new question press the next button.
ready? GO!

opening credits:
Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
Sounds cool :)

waking up:
Accidents by Alexisonfire

average day:
You Eclipsed By Me by Atreyu

first date:
Hit The Floor by Bullet For My Valentine
HE HIT ME THAT BITCH

falling in love:
Dear Time Traveler, by The Scene Aesthetic
AWEEEE

love scene:
Fake It by Seether
It wasn't true ):

fight scene:
Every Where I Go by Scenes and Sirens
'Everywhere I go, bitches always know.. that you don't mess with me!;D"

breaking up:
Back of My Hand by Down With Webster
XD 'I thought I knew you like the back of my hand'

making up:
Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman
:|

secret love:
Alone Together by the Strokes
LMFAO IT GOES

life's okay:
Still Dreaming by Silverstein
not quite right...

mental breakdown:
Whoa Is Me by Down With Webster
"woe" is me.

driving:
Smart, Witty, Fun, Sexy by LoveHateHero

learning a lesson:
Hope Dies Last by Holiday Parade
"to go back to the days of last summer"

deep thought:
Let Me Beat Your Eardrum by Cage the Elephant

flashback:
Stay In Shadow by Finger Eleven

happy dance:
London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines by Panic at the Disco

regretting:
Can't Buy Me Love by The Beatles
Did I let you do that in the first place?

long night alone:
Spotlight by Mute Math

final battle:
Crawling by Linking Park
looks like I'm losing...

Death Scene:
5 Bucks by Anarbor
Alright... who bet on my death?

closing credits:
Love Song for No One by John Mayer

"His little whispers, love me, love me.
That's all I ask for, love me, love me.
He battered his tiny wrists to feel something.
Wondered what it's like to touch, and feel something."

Monster by Meg & Dia

I believe, do you believe?

I've always been a believer of ghosts, but I've never had any personal experience with them :/ However, I have been in the same house/with someone who had an experience while I was there.

I was at my friend's house, getting ready for her birthday party with her. Her sister and her mom were also getting ready, but in her sister's room.We hear a music box go off. Annoyed, Sarah[my friend] yells for her sister to turn it off. No answer. We walk into the room to see her mom and her sister just staring at the music box which they had taken from her Nana's house just after she passed. "We didn't touch it," her sister said-might I add her mom and sister are believers but Sarah is not. "Sure you didn't" was her reply. "No Sarah," her mom started. "We didn't touch it. I think Nana's here for your birthday." The funny thing is, after we tried to get it to play, but it wouldn't. We'd wind it up, but now music would come from it.

Another time...

I was in Windsor, for you Canadians who know where that is, and I was sitting in the living room with my married into the family aunt's sister's daughter, Brooke (she was 6). It was about 7 o'clock at night, and we were watching some T.V. show she loved. This room had a giant window exposing the front yard. Brooke looked up to me and pointed out the window, and with a completely serious voice she asked: "Isn't that little girl's dress pretty?" "What little girl, I don't see her?" "Over there, by the tree." Confused.. I just went along with it, but she went into more detail. "Look at that ribbon in her hair, I want that ribbon." I wasn't really sure how to react, because there was no girl outside, so I just told her I was going to get a glass of water.

Last time I went to Windsor, was for a baby shower of my aunt's. Brooke was there too. After the party, she claimed that Pippy (her great grandfather--she has met) was there at the party, and that she was talking with him. She claimed to have seen her deceased grandfather. It made sense to me why he would be there, and it also made sense to me that she was saying this, for I was with her the majority of the time and at one moment when I went to go get her from the attic space (which we were staying in, don't worry, furnished as rooms), she was whispering, but I knew she wasn't talking to me, 'cause she didn't know I was coming to get her.

I want a paranormal experience.

http://i42.tinypic.com/jz7i54.jpg <--link to the picture.

So, my question to you is: Do you believe in ghosts/the paranormal? a life after death? Anything like that. 21/25 of my friends (I just asked over the popular MSN and text messaging) believe in ghosts. That's 84% of the people I asked. I had three people say it's a 50-50 for them, but when I told them this is strictly yes and no, they said yes. I was honestly expecting more non-believers than believers, but oh well! Not complaining :)

"lies are lies in everybody's eyes...

and I don't believe you"

The Fever by The Academy Is...

Today I learned that I've been living a lie!

My name is not legally Ebony Zoë Jaroch-Pépin. Infact, I've been known as that for the past 15.9 years of my life, but I was looking through some documents because I'm getting my Czech citizenship, and I am not what I've been known as. So, according to the government, I am just plain Ebony Jaroch-Pépin. This kind of depresses me.. All this time thinking, and being told that my name is that, but it never went through? I feel like I've been a liar, and I rarely lie! I guess it could always be worse, but still, I find it a bit heart breaking. It's like, a piece of me has been ripped away. I s'pose I could still use it, but it just.. seems weird now...



On another note, earlier today I found this, and I thought it was rather interesting :D I don't have the webstie I got it from, but I have who wrote it. ENJOY

LIFE.

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

by Cherie Carter-Scott

"Just be pretty but naive,
anything you hear is what you believe.
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head,
wish you had undressed me in your bed."

Passion for Publication by Anarbor

viva la revolution.

I love music, and I have a good idea, why not share music with the world :)
I'm going to pick 5 artists that I love at the moment (a few I've loved for a while-but it still counts), show the album and give 3 of my favourite songs off that album :D Sound good? LET'S BEGIN!

Atreyu
Lead Sails Paper Anchor

My ears are ringing from:
1. Honor
2. Doomsday
3. Clean Sheets



Panic At The Disco
Pretty. Odd.

Songs I am in love with from this album:
1. She's a Handsome Woman
2. Do You Know What I'm Seeing?
3. From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins



Anarbor
Free Your Mind

I can't get these out of my head:
1. Passion for Publication
2. You an I
3. Where the Wild Things Are (Monsters)



The Hush Sound
Like Vines

I can't help to not tap my toes to:
1. We Intertwined
2. Wine Red
3. Sweet Tangerine



Hollywood Undead
Swan Songs

I can't get enough of these:
1. City
2. This Love, This Hate
3. The Diary

And so this is what I'm listening to lately, I think if I continue on with this blog, I may update it every month or two, because I enjoyed doing this :) It also was a good break from actual problem blogging. I think my last 4 rants got everything out of me- YAY! - so now I can write more fun blogs that aren't all mememe.

"I knew this was a dream it was too good to be true
And the coincidences were a bit much too
Who wants to wake up?
Who wants to lose it?
Who wants to live in this place?"

We Intertwined by The Hush Sound

*flashflash*

I'm going to be a loser and tell you to click the picture under my gadget "photography" to go see my, well, photography :)
pleeeeaase ? :D

Anywho, I feel bad. Not sick, or bad about myself, but about the way I act sometimes. I get annoyed and angered easily, and I hate to see the sorry faces of those who get to see me that way. When I figure things out on my own, I get frustrated when people ask how to do it. I did it on my own, why can't they? I give in anyways and try to help, but when they don't get it, I get angered. I don't know, it just pisses me off. Is something wrong with me?
I'm also extremely selfish, I guess it's a personality trait I received from being an only child my whole life, who had no cousins until both her aunts had a baby each during the summer of '09. I want to be a more selfless person, and a person who has more patience for things. Two of my New Years resolutions, from a total of three. The third being tone down the cussing.

I'm a potty mouth. shhhh!

I don't have much to talk about today, sorroh.

I'm going to start adding songs of the day, with a little lyrics from each song! :D

"Face down; this is where it leads you - too far.
Buried covered now, you'll find peace - in the earths aground.
Stop now, there's no point in breathing - it's not allowed.
On the surface, how can you find - reason to move on?"
Runaway by Cartel

Guys VS Girls

Guys are dicks? Honestly, get over your MANstruation already. You think your lives are so hard, get over yourselves please. ;D

Well, I'm generalizing, but lately a lot of the males in my life have been complete idiots. You know, it's alright to hurt everyone around you, because it's only about YOU and how YOU feel, isn't it? Who gives a damn about your family or friends, OBVIOUSLY not you. Go on and just do whatever you feel like thinking there's no consequences, I'm sure it's quite worth it! Who cares if you made her cry? Who cares if you make everyone else upset? You need to learn that it's not okay to lead people on. I can see that it means nothing to you.

But at the same time I see that it does, because that's just my anger speaking. You apologized, you did get over yourself, you're the good guy. You cleared things up between us, even though both of us were scared to discuss it. You didn't do it the hard way, you confessed your mistakes. We were good friends, but now we're better friends.

However YOU, no not you, him. I've known you for years, and this is what happens? Now we don't talk? What happened to best friends of 13 years? Something happens and you can't get over it? "They are best friends because you can love them forever, no matter what, and they'll love you back as if they were married to you," your words, but what happened to the 'no matter what happens' part? Thanks. Thanks for everything, but right now you're ticking me off- a lot. You should learn to get things together, before your actions. So that you're not stuck in this situation. I don't mean to put the blame on you, but it truely is your fault, sorry. My wise friend once told me:

"A guy should never kiss a girl if he doesn't know what to do afterward."

Girls are bitches. We talk about each other behind our backs, and we never know when to shut up.

Just like the guys, a lot of girls in my life have been really pissing me off. Tell me what you don't like to my face, don't talk to my best friends of 12 years about it behind my back, 'cause they do tell me. Also, a lot of them are acting as if they think looking 'dumb' is 'cute'. Stop bullshitting people. Be who you are, who you want to be. And please, stop putting yourself down.

I will admit that I hate my 'friend' Paige. She's taken my 'place' amongst my friends, and pushed me to the side, and I look like the bad person because I found other friends to hang out with (no worries I hang out with my originals too). But she has the nerve to talk about me? Don't worry, I'm not being a hypocrite at this moment, because I have told her I don't like her, and I don't appreciate it. Bitchy, I suppose. But it needed to be done.

Topic switch back to girls being odd.
A lot of girls suffer from self-hate (aka low self-esteem) and it makes me feel like a bitch when I admit that I think I'm pretty. There's nothing wrong with confidence, however there is a difference between confidence and cockiness. I feel that I don't cross the line (that makes me sound that way by saying that XD) because I'm not all self-absorbed about it. LADIES, please, realize you are beautiful! Who even decided that there is a certain way we should look? Why should we be the ones who get all the pressure. We don't have to be! You can love yourself, and with loving yourself, you gain a whole new love for everyone else around you.

I give each one of my friends a compliment daily, sometimes more than one. Whether it be about their hair, clothes, any simple compliment does the trick. It also makes you feel good too, 'cause usually when you compliment people, they compliment you back. ;)

"In order to love another, one must love themselves."

We're all so different. I truly am not trying to put the pain of girls on boys, or the confusion of boys on girls, but life would be simpler if we didn't keep things from each other. If everything was straight forward. A quick "I'm not into you that way," a "I don't like it when you tell others things" or even a simple "Tell me how you feel". If we could get rid of all this fear, and not hide our feelings, things would be easier. No talking behind each others backs, no being lead on, and well, no being lost in a world with no communication through thoughts. I'm not saying that I do this regularly, because in fact, I don't, but I sure as hell know that my life would be a lot easier if I spoke my mind more often. Is that hypocritical ?

I'm rambling again...

Just because you say I deserve better... doesn't mean I want better.

Why is everything so STUPID?
I'm just going to say to you, whoever you are, that not everything is all it's choked up to be. Hell, I get so emotional because of it, because you don't think before you speak, you let everything go, you say how you're feeling. You let every emotion flow through you like a waterfall, and indeed there is a waterfall, it streams from your eyes. Well, mine at least.

One drink, two drink, three drink, fine. Four drink, five drink, six drink cry.

I sorted some things out while i was indeed intoxicated. I don't really know why I'm actually writing about it, it's not something people need to know, it's not how I want people to see me. Especially since I'm not this way, it just happens to be so the day I started writing in my blog, was the day after an event occurred, what else is there to talk about? (is there even a good way to say that without sounding like a stuck-up bitch?) But I guess my poor diary can't take anymore. Technology has taken over, and I've become lazy to pick up a pen and write. It's easy to grab the laptop and type. But every first is an experience, and experiences are memories. Whether they're good, or bad, we have to live on carrying them. It's not easy forgetting, and well, I don't think there is much need to forget mine. It was fun! Minus the whole hour of crying near the end.. Oh well, I thoroughly enjoyed it, though I don't plan on doing it for a bit. At least until I get my thoughts clear. Hell, at least there's still a first for everything else.
If I don't want people to see me as something I'm not, then why do I write about it? Well, I guess its because I don't want people to think I'm the most bring person out there. People make mistakes, and I don't want to try and be perfect. I wouldn't call this a mistake though. It was a lesson. On what I'm like when I have an alcohol level of over 0.008. Haha.

This is just my note to this small world, because indeed it is one. Don't settle for anything less that perfect. YOUR perspective of perfect. You do realize, everything is perfect, not that nothing is perfect. It all just depends on what you think is perfect. That painting may seem completely horrid to you, but hey, that chair with tape on it is a masterpiece to someone else. Hence, everything is perfect, it just depends on your views.

I'm just rambling on now, I need to try and stick to one topic.

But back to the small world point. It truly is a small world. I went downtown for a concert, second in line (HELL YEAH!) and met some new people. Turns out they're the ones who made the petition (which might I add, I signed) to bring one of my favourite bands back to Barrie! Amongst our chit-chat we also discovered the people we knew in common, like my facebook 'husband' and how they're really great friends. We learned how they know a band called Brighter Brightest (go check them out, NOW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc2TOdxO474) yes, they are amazing. :D

I don't know why I'm writing this early in the morning, but I guess it's because I woke up feeling like vomiting, no worries, I still have to go to school. */headdesk.

Boy, will I have another blog after school? Yes I will. Will I be ranting? Yes I will. Will it be meaningless to anyone but me? Fuck yeah.

Somethings are hard to keep to yourself..

p.s. I took this photo of my friend Samantha's eye. She is in a lot of my photographs, so I guess, technically, or maybe even literally, she is my model.

p.p.s. I've gotten lazy to write "ebonyjaroch photography" on all of my photos. So bare with me on the ones that don't say it, kay?

prologue-

The first of many? I'm not too sure..
I made this blog so long ago (2008), but I never actually started to blog with it.
I'm not sure if it will end up being an exciting blog, or just a ranting blog to get my thoughts clear. Maybe someone will find some of the posts helpful, maybe not. I'm not to sure how this will turn out, in all honesty. I also don't expect much from it.

But, I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

p.s. I promise to mostly use pictures I've photographed in my blog, if I have not, I will give credit with a link.